The Point of Purity Podcast

Episode #15 - My Purity Coach

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 Helping men and women find hope, help, healing, restoration and redemption
leading to lasting victory over sexual addiction through a growing, vibrant, powerful relationship with Christ.

Episode #15 - My Purity Coach

Lust and porn will always give you bad counsel. They say, “Come, let us satisfy your need! Walk with us and we will lead you to wonderful, forbidden pleasures that will make all your problems go away. Indulge. Play, have fun, it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong!

My friend - Lust and porn will always give you bad counsel.

We need God to guide us as we open His Word and navigate through His principles and precepts of purity. Who better to be your personal guide than the One who designed and created you?


(01:00) The Purity Coach

For nearly 10 years now I have had the awesome honor and privilege of being known as The Purity Coach to literally thousands of men and women across the globe. I’ve been blessed to have not only written 5 books but to have had countless opportunities to speak at conferences and retreats across the nation – but the most important aspect of this ministry, the part I love doing the most, that which lies heaviest upon my heart every single day is the deep honor God has entrusted to me of counseling and coaching people all over the world from God’s Word on how to become men and women of purity, integrity, and godliness.

The reason I share this with you is not to boast – in fact, far from it. You see, I am not THE Purity Coach ... God is. This ministry, this podcast, our 12-week Point of Purity counseling Program, our Christian Growth Academy – none of those are the key to being sexually pure – God IS the key. I am not the answer, I am not the solution to defeating the 3-headed dragon of lust, porn and masturbation – God IS.

That is why EVERY episode of The Point of Purity Podcast is ALWAYS and ONLY going to emphasize the point and the power of Scripture. Only God can and will enable you to bring about lasting change and permanent victory in your heart and life. God’s Spirit, through God’s Word is our Purity Coach.

This is why we are currently taking an in-depth look into Psalm 25 - a powerful text of Scripture that will help you become the person of purity you long to be. So far, we have looked at Psalm 25:1-3. In today’s episode we are going to dive into verses 4-5 where David writes, “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

(03:20) Show-N-Tell

Ok, so right off the bat, I want you to notice that in verse 4 that David asks God to “show me your ways.”

Here’s a question for you: How often throughout any given day do you ask God to show you His ways? How often throughout the day to you seek God’s will for your life – asking Him to tell you what to do – especially as it relates to your sexual purity? How often? How often does it even occur to you to talk to God about this topic? Truth-be-told, not often enough. Am I right?

I remember all too vividly, in my own life, when I was at the point of utter desperation – I was literally hating the man I was becoming. I wanted so desperately to quit my sinful habits once-and-for-all. I’ll never forget one particular instance when – after having just watched porn and masturbated to it – in shame and guilt I fell prostrate on my face and literally cried out to God. I told Him I was done. I was tired of trying to quit on my own and failing time and time again - and I promised Him that if He would just take this away from me - I would from that point forward fully trust Him to do what’s best and let Him become the manager of my mess.

Sounds great, right? I mean, wow – what a prayer! What an emotional moment I had. What power in my words! And yet, they were empty and void of any impact. They were the worthless ramblings of an idolater.

Yes, I prayed those words. Yes, I thought I meant them - however, immediately after crying out to God, I leaned back in my spiritual Lazy-boy (if you will) and chose to relax while expecting God to do all the work. I assumed that the Wizard of the Word would just wave His magic wand and either make all my temptations just vanish before my eyes, or at the very least give me some sort of super-spiritual strength to vanquish the foe in one fell swoop.

Have you ever heard the phrase: Just let go and let God? Think about that statement. Letting go and letting God sounds nice (maybe even easy at times - after all, in that scenario – when you “let go and let God” – who’s doing all the work? Hint: it’s not you); but Scripture is clear that you are responsible for maintaining your walk with God. Titus 3:8 says, “(You who) have believed in God ... be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable.” Titus 3:14 says you must “learn to maintain good works ... that (you) be not unfruitful.”

The Apostle Paul wrote the words of 1 Timothy 5:21 and said, “I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of his chosen angels to maintain these principles.”

Let me be quick to clarify – I am NOT saying that you need to do good works in order to be saved ... rather, BECAUSE you are saved, because you are a born-again child of God, you are to maintain good works as an outward demonstration of your inward salvation.

Here’s my point: ... my friend - you cannot be passive in this battle for purity. You must maintain. God is not about making it “easy” for you. He’s not here to “get you off the hook.” Nor is He going to leave you alone to figure out how to wrestle the beast all by your little lonesome.

God promises to give you the strength to fight the battle. 2 Peter 1:3 tells us that “By his divine power, God has given (you) everything (you) need for living a godly life.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic ... For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” God will give you exactly what you need to fight the beast – exactly when you need it. All you need to do is obey the command of 1 Chronicles 16:11 which says, “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!” Remember Philippians 4:13 which promises “you can do everything through Christ, who gives you His strength.”

Not only will God give you the strength you need, but He will also give you the necessary wisdom to know what to do the moment you face the beast. Proverbs 2:6 promises us that “the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” THAT is why each episode of The Point of Purity Podcast focuses solely on Scripture! It is from His mouth, from His Word, from the Bible that you get knowledge, understanding, and wisdom to face the beast.

And James 1:5 reminds us that “if you lack wisdom, ask God ... He will give it to you - generously.” Yes, my friend, God will do this and so much more - but you must face the beast and you must fight the battle for purity.

Proverbs 4:23 commands, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Who is responsible for the daily protection of your heart? Not me, not your spouse, not your family, not your friends, not even your pastor. You are!

James 4:7 commands, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” You are responsible to daily submit to God. You are responsible for resisting the Devil. I cannot do that for you, and you can’t do it for me.

Ephesians 6:11 commands you to “Put on the whole armor of God, - and - stand against the schemes of the devil.” It is your responsibility to not only put on the whole armor of God – but keep it on.

And 1 Peter 5:8-9 commands you to “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, (standing) firm in your faith.” You must be sober-minded (always thinking correctly, thinking Biblically, thinking Godly. You must daily resist the devil by standing firm in your faith in God.

I want you notice that not one of those verses I just quoted says, “kick back and relax, God’s got this”! Not one says, “let go and let God.” God expects you to step up to the plate. He wants you to grab your sword and fight! But He also wants you to know that you will never be alone in the battle. God will never just push you out onto the battlefield, give you a slap on the back and say “good luck! Hope you make it!”

Philippians 4:19 assures us that God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus

2 Corinthians 9:8 promises that God will generously provide all that you need, so that you will always have everything you need with plenty left over.

Yes, God will give you everything you need – including the necessary training so that you can stand firm in your faith and effectively resist each and every temptation the enemy throws at you.

In Psalm 144:1 David exclaims, “Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.”

And in Psalm 18:34 he says, “(God) trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.”

Every day is filled with spiritual warfare. Every day you are wrestling against a powerful foe. Every day that foe is whispering his evil lies into your mind, trying to draw you off the path of purity, the path that God wants you to walk.

(12:38) I’ll Do It My / Your Way

This is why you and I must daily pray, “(God) please show me now your ways, that I may know you.” (Exodus 33:13)

We must daily ask God to “Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” (Psalm 143:8)

Why is it so important that we ask God daily to show us His ways? I mean, c’mon - what’s wrong with occasionally doing life my own way? What’s wrong with a little bit of King Me sitting on the throne every once in a long while? That question almost sounds ludicrous doesn’t it? Almost. The fact is, we often think that way, even if we don’t actually verbalize it.

It frequently looks something like this: “Why do I have to give God all of my sexual desires and passions? What’s wrong with an occasional lustful glance or thought? What’s wrong with looking at some softcore porn every once-in-a-while? As long as I’m not committing some great and horrible sin like adultery, why can’t I enjoy a little self-pleasure and self-gratification here and there?

God’s answer is quite clear. “There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die.” (Proverbs 15:10)

That verse bears repeating. Listen. “There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die.” Solomon warns us in Proverbs 14:12 that “there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.”

Consider this: every way that is ultimately your way will always be the wrong way. Let me repeat that so you don’t forget it. Every way that is ultimately your way will always be the wrong way.

(14:46) En Garde

This is why David asks a potent question in Psalm 119:9. “How can a man keep his way pure?” He then answers – “By guarding it according to your word.”

This is precisely why each of our podcast episodes, and each of my 1-on-1 coaching sessions, each and every lesson in our Christian Growth Academy, and every one of my books are always predominantly focused upon Scripture. I don’t want you trying to learn 12 Steps, or 8 Keys, or 5 Principles to Purity. I don’t want you thinking that there is some greater, more effective method out there for fighting the 3-headed dragon and experiencing genuine heart-change other than filling your mind with the Word of God and daily choosing to obey the God of the Word. Because there isn’t.

God says (Psalm 32:8), “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”

And in Proverbs 3:6 we read, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Remember, the issue isn’t the beast. The problem isn’t the porn. That’s not what we need to fix. It’s your heart. It’s your worship disorder. God’s Spirit through God’s Word reveals God’s will in your life. You keep your way pure by DAILY reading, studying, meditating upon, and applying God’s Holy Word to your heart, mind, and life.

Deuteronomy 11:28 says that you will be cursed by God “if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn aside from the way that (God is) commanding you today, (choosing) to go after other gods that you have not known.”

I believe I am fairly safe in saying that you would rather not be cursed by God. Am I correct? To avoid that, you must daily choose to dethrone King Me. You must not turn aside from God’s way to go after another god – to go after that which makes King Me happy, happy, happy.

(17:02) This Is Going to Kill Me!

I know that sometimes it feels like you will die if you do not give in to the lust that is burning within. I know there are times where you are convinced that life will come to an end if you don’t look at porn and masturbate. You can’t concentrate. You can’t sleep. You can’t function. I know – I’ve been there.

I also understand that in those moments - you think “just one more time” and it will all be better. “Just one more time and then I’ll get serious about dealing with this beast once-and-for-all.” My friend, I lived for over 30 years convinced that all I needed was just one more time. Just one more lustful look, just one more act of self-gratification. Just one more.

You need to understand that that is your sinful flesh talking to you. It is your sinful passions screaming in your ear “please me! Satisfy me! Surrender to me and I’ll make you feel good. I’ll ease your stress. I’ll relieve your boredom and I’ll remove your frustration.” Don’t listen to it. Don’t let yourself cave under the pressure. Cry out to God “show me YOUR way” and then, when He does (because He will) – you must choose to walk in it no matter the cost.

Joshua 22:5 says, “Only be very careful to observe the commandment ... to love the Lord your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments and to cling to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

In Isaiah 48:17 we read, “This is what the Lord says – your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: ‘I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea’.”

As you listen to those words, can you hear the ache in God’s heart? The ache He has for you? Can you hear His discouragement, not with you but with your sinful, King Me choices? “If only you had paid attention to my commands!”

In John 14:15 Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

And in 1 John 5:3 the Apostle John writes, “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.”

OK, so where do I find God’s commands? The answer: God’s Word. God’s promise, in God’s Word is that when you choose to walk the way God has laid out for you in His word, “your peace (will be) like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”

(20:27) There’s Hope for You Yet

Choose right now to lift up your soul to your Heavenly Father. Choose right now to surrender your sexual desires and passions over to your Creator. Choose right now to fully trust that God not only knows what’s best for you but has “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

As Jeremiah 31:17 says, “There is hope for your future, declares the Lord.”

You can be free! You can be pure! All you have to do is lift up your soul to God (Psalm 25:1), trust fully in Him (Psalm 25:2), dethrone King Me and set your focus on the Lordship and leadership of God in your life daily (Psalm 25:3); and continuously ask Him to show you His ways – then walk in it (Psalm 25:4-5)! When you do that, you will experience God’s richest blessings in your life like none you could have ever imagined possible. God guarantees it!

As you choose daily to lift up your soul to God and fully trust Him, you must also cry “Show me your ways, O Lord!” Think about this: inherent within the request to “show me your ways,” is a willingness to go the way God shows you. Don’t ask Him to show you His way if you are not willing and ready to make the necessary adjustments in your life to actually go His perfect way.

In Jeremiah 6:16 God says, “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, (then you will) find rest for your souls.”

Deuteronomy 5:33 says, “You shall walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, that you may live, and that it may go well with you.”

And Psalm 1:1-2 promises, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.”

(23:07) Time for School

Back to our text in Psalm 25:4 ... after asking God to “show me your ways” the Psalmist then says, “teach me your paths.”

Consider this: by asking God to “teach” him, David was acknowledging his inexperience, his lack of understanding, his inability to navigate through life in a way that consistently and continuously honored and glorified God. David was expressing his need for and dependency upon God. He was acknowledging the necessity that God provide him with instruction on how to daily lift up his soul. He needed God to teach him how to fully trust his Creator – for everything.

In Job 34:32 we see Job crying out to God - “Teach me what I do not see.” I strongly submit that should be your daily prayer to God. Oh Father, I am struggling with knowing how to navigate this path of purity. Please “teach me what I do not see!”

To that request God answers, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Psalm 32:8) Isn’t that fantastic? God will not let you flounder. He stands ready to help you “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 3:18)

Consider this: to be taught, there must first be an openness and a willingness to learn. There must be a humble admission that “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do it. I need help!” That confession should then be followed up with a solid determination to apply what He is teaching you; to be a doer of the word and not a hearer only (James 1:22-25).

Up till now you have focused predominantly on your way vs. God’s way. You have chosen to walk your own path instead of following Him down His. You have tried to defeat the beast in your own way instead of conquering it with His. This is why you continuously fail and fall. This is why you need God to teach you His way and His path to purity.

(25:41) Instructions Included – Instructions Ignored

The fact is you have already been provided with instruction on how to walk His path of purity. God says in Proverbs 4:11 “I have taught you the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of righteousness.” And how has He done this? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 we read, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and (is) profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, (so) that the man (or woman) of God may be (fully capable and totally) equipped for every good work.”

The problem is, when you turn to King Me for answers, when you depend on your own ability to fight the beast, you “have (as Jeremiah 32:33 says) turned to (your) back (to God) and not (your) face. And though (God has) taught (you) persistently, (you) have not listened to receive instruction.” In Psalm 50:17 God says you have flippantly cast His words behind you.

I find it interesting that Isaiah 30:21 states that when you turn your back to God, “your ears (will) hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Think about what I just read. When you choose to turn your back on God, and He speaks to you to instruct you where to go, to help you know how to live a life of purity - where is His voice coming from? Because you turned away from Him, it’s now coming from “behind you.”

Where should the voice be coming from? Deuteronomy 31:8 gives the answer. “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

In Isaiah 45:2 God says, “I will go before you and level the exalted places, I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron.”

OK, now consider this: when God is before you, you are to be following Him!

In John 8:12 “Jesus spoke ... saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

We read in Deuteronomy 13:4 that “It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him.”

And in John 12:26 Jesus says, “If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also.”

When you are daily choosing to follow Christ, when you choose to allow Him to truly show you His ways and teach you His paths, His voice will never be “behind you” but in front. So, if you are hearing his voice “behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’” that’s a sure-fire indication that you have gone off “to the right or to the left” on your own. You have chosen – once again - to turn your back on God in pursuit of what King Me wants.

(29:17) Our Instruction Manual

OK, so here’s my next question for you: What is the primary tool, the main method God uses to teach you His paths?

Psalm 94:12 says, “Blessed is the man ...whom (God) teach(es) out of (His) law.”

This is why it is so vital that you are in God’s Word every day of your life. I submit that reading God’s Word should be to you as essential as breathing! I like to call Scripture my oxygen tank. I cannot live without it. Nor can I walk the path of purity without it.

You see, God’s “word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105)

It is “the unfolding of (God’s) words (that) gives light; (God’s word) imparts understanding to the simple.” (Psalm 119:130)

Listen to what David writes about Scripture in Psalm 19:7-11 “The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; ... the rules of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much find gold; sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.”

Are you ready to cry out the words of Psalm 86:11 “teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name”? In Psalm 119:18 David asked God to “open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.”

What about you? Do you have a teachable spirit? As you choose to lift up your soul to God, and as you choose to fully trust Him, are you asking Him to open your eyes, to show you His ways and teach you His paths? And then are you investing the time daily to dig into your Bible to discover the paths He is revealing to you?

(31:59) Guide Me

In our primary text of Psalm 25:4, not only does David ask God to “show me your ways” and “teach me your paths” – in verse 5 he also asks God to “guide me in your truth.”

A guide is someone who goes before you; someone who is showing you the way – someone who is helping you reach your destination in an unfamiliar place. A guide leads you by accompanying you as well as giving you directions along the way. A guide knows exactly where he is going, what lies around the next corner, and he knows how to best navigate the path.

Consider this: lifting your soul up to God and fully trusting Him daily is in many ways an unfamiliar place for you. Navigating your way up the path of purity, holiness and godliness might seem at times to be a bit overwhelming. After all, you are accustomed to daily following the whims and wishes of King Me. That’s what’s “normal” for you – if you can call it ‘normal’.

1 Chronicles 10:13 tells us that King Saul “broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, (instead he) consulted a medium, seeking guidance.” Saul sought guidance from someone who spoke to the dead. Now think about this next question carefully: Aren’t you doing the same thing when you get counsel and guidance from someone or something that is not speaking to you God’s Word, God’s truth? Are you not getting guidance from that which is dead?

There is a lot of advice available out there to “help” you in your struggle against the 3-headed dragon, but if it’s not coming directly from Scripture, it is dead counsel. It may help you correct bad habits, and it may assist you in adjusting poor behavior, but it’s not going to show you how to address the heart of the problem. Only God can heal your heart.

In Leviticus 19:31 God warns, “Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.” In other words, don’t turn to that which is dead to find help in how to live. Don’t seek counsel from the ungodly to discover how to live for God and be free from the beast. Turn to the beast-master, God Himself!

(34:41) The Talking Dead

Lust and porn will always give you dead counsel. Psalm 1:1-2 says, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.”

Habakkuk 2:19 warns, “Woe to him who says to wood (or to porn if you will), ‘Come to life!’ Or to a lifeless stone (or to porn), ‘Wake up!’ Can it (can porn) give guidance? It (the 3-headed dragon) is covered with gold and silver; (and yet) there is no breath in it.” That which is dead can never show you how to live!

Oh my friend, you need God to guide you as you open His Word and navigate through His standards, principles and precepts of purity.

Isaiah 58:11 says, “The Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places (He will) make your bones strong; and (through Him) you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

Psalm 25:9-10 says “GOD leads the humble in what is right, and (God) teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.”

This is why David prays (Psalm 25:4-5) “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

When your “hope,” when your attention and focus is on God “all day long” you will see His ways, you will know His paths, and you will understand His truth!

I’m excited about next week’s episode entitled “God Only Knows.” God already knows that you “have sinned and fall short of His standards of purity.” You can deny it. You can try to hide it and cover it up. You can try to excuse it away. But God already knows. And here is the amazing thing - God’s love for you is steadfast. God’s love for you endures. God’s love for you stands true forever.

God’s love for you is not dependent upon your purity. His love for you is not contingent upon your right behavior. His love endures your sin. His love endures your fickleness and your selfishness. His steadfast love endures not just for a time but forever! So be sure to tune in to next week’s Episode #16 – God Only Knows

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