Helping men and women find hope, help, healing, restoration and redemption
leading to lasting victory over sexual addiction through a growing, vibrant, powerful relationship with Christ.
Hebrews 12:1 says this: “Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with patience the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)
I firmly believe with all my heart that one of the greatest sin issues that so easily entangles us today, one of the greatest hindrances to the effectiveness of the Church today, is something that unfortunately very few churches talk about – very few pastors preach on it – and very few spiritual leaders adequately and effectively counsel on it. I also believe that way too many of the church’s rank-and-file are deeply engaged in it themselves. I’m referring to the whole reason for our ministry – namely, sexual impurity.
Let me take a moment here and share with you some staggering statistics. Let’s talk for a moment about the role of the Internet in our everyday lives. Recently a major search engine revealed in their annual report that they process on average over 5.6 billion individual searches daily. Let me repeat that: 5.6 billion individual searches are conducted daily on that company’s search engine alone. That’s over 63,000 searches per second, every second of every day of every week of every month of the year! Now, I can’t speak for you, but that number is astounding to me. It blows my mind!
But what truly breaks my heart is that in that same report, this major search engine revealed that 1 in every 5 of those 5.6 billion daily searches (1 in every 5) is for pornographic content. Now let me try to put this into perspective for you. I ran the numbers. That equates to over 1.1 billion individual, distinct searches for pornography DAILY. That’s 4.6 million searches for porn every hour of every day of every week of every month of the year.
Let me break it down even further. That’s 760,000 individual searches for porn every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of the year. But let me boil it down even further for you. That’s 12,600 individual searches for pornography every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of the year! (Illustrate) Let the enormity, let the seriousness of that sink in!
Let’s talk for a moment about the significant impact this is having upon Christianity. Let’s talk about the pervasiveness of porn in the pew. A couple of years ago The George Barna Group, Josh McDowell Ministries, and Covenant Eyes teamed up together to conduct a massive nationwide survey of professing Christians. The results were published in an interesting book entitled “The Porn Phenomenon.” Here are just a couple of the staggering statistics that came out of that survey.
These numbers I’m sharing with you are just those who are actually admitting it. Personally, I believe and therefore submit based upon my own experience in this ministry that the actual numbers and percentages are much higher.
So, I want to pose a question to you. Why? Why is it that a person can hate their sinful, sexual behavior and want to quit, yet love it so much that they choose not to? Why do we promise ourselves “never again” only to turn around and do it again and again and again?
These are just a couple of the questions I am asked by Christian men who are fed up with their sinful behavior, wanting to stop, wanting to be pure, but finding themselves stuck in the same sinful, sexual routine. Well, we are truly blessed here at The Pure Man Ministry to speak to these issues and show from God’s Word how you can live in genuine freedom and lasting victory over the beast of lust, porn, and self-gratification.
I would very much like to take a few moments here in this very special episode to tell you about this thing called “The Pure Man Ministry.” You’ve heard me mention it quite a few times over the weeks and months, but now I want to explain to you what this ministry is all about.
You see, for over 30 years of my life I battled against the 3-headed dragon known as Lust, Porn, and Masturbation. No matter how hard I tried to fight my sexual addiction, the beast always won. It was not only destroying my life, but it was also seriously impacting my marriage, my family, my career ... every part of my life was negatively affected.
Over that time frame I saw three different counselors, I cried out multiple times to God to take it away from me and just “fix” me. I hated the man I had become, but I loved my addiction too much to truly quit.
Then one day – nearly 27 years ago now – God brought Roger into my life. This godly man sat down with me and opened up his Bible, and from Scripture he revealed to me the God of the Universe, my Creator, but more importantly the Savior of my soul and my Eternal Heavenly Father – and I began to see God in a way I had never seen him before. It was that revelation that began a real, lasting change in my heart, my mind, and my life.
Today I am lust-free, porn-free, and masturbation-free and I am continuing to pursue a deeper fellowship and growing relationship with my Heavenly Father. If you’d like to hear our full testimony, let me encourage you to listen to Episode #45 “A Pastor Addicted to Porn” or go to our website (ThePurityCoach.com) and on the home page click to watch the video of our testimony.
Ten years ago, God placed within my heart a burden and passion to help others who are facing the same beast and fighting the same battles I did. Thus began “The Pure Man Ministry” – also known as “The Purity Coach.” The primary goal of The Pure Man Ministry is for God’s men to glorify their Heavenly Father in EVERY aspect of their life by being in a constant pursuit of a closer walk with God and enjoying the byproduct of a sexually pure heart and life.
Our vision is simple. Through the use and study of God’s Word and application of Biblical truth to their lives, The Pure Man Ministry is here to help men who are struggling with sexual addiction find freedom and life-changing victory ... and we do this by providing hope, help, healing, and restoration through a personal, growing understanding of and a deepening relationship with God.
Our mission is clear: to equip and train men to overcome sexual addiction and maintain godly integrity and purity in as little as 90 days.
Sounds great, right? But how do we do this? There are three “legs” to this ministry. The first is what we affectionately call “The Point of Purity Program.” This 12-week program serves two functions. 1) to help men understand the point of purity (what’s the point of being pure? Why should purity be such a high priority for me? After all, what’s wrong with a little indulgence – a little lust from time to time?) The second function of “The Point of Purity Program” is to show men how to get to the point of purity. What steps do we need to take and what things must we do to not only BE pure but stay pure?
Our “Point of Purity Program” is a 12-week Bible Study where I personally meet with men one-on-one weekly for an hour a week for 12 weeks. This isn’t a support group kinda thing. There aren’t multiple people involved in this. This is just me and you, one-on-one, sitting together with our Bibles open, studying God’s word, discovering how to dethrone King Me, change our way of thinking, and worship and glorify God in every part of our life.
And the beauty of modern technology is that you don’t have to be sitting here in my office to do this. I have had the awesome privilege of coaching men literally all over the globe!
As I mentioned a moment ago, there are three “legs” to The Pure Man Ministry. The first is our Point of Purity Program. The second leg of our ministry involves creating and providing in-person and various media resources to help men in their journey toward purity. Over the last 10 years I have had the awesome and unique honor of traveling across the country speaking at men’s conferences, retreats, special events, and even preaching in churches about God’s amazing love for us and how (2 Peter 1:3) His divine power has given us everything we need to be godly and pure. For a sampling of some of the messages and workshops I’ve done, be sure to visit our website (ThePurityCoach.com) – click on the “Resources” link and then select “Helpful Videos.”
I have also been privileged to author five books so far, with a sixth one slated for publication this August, and a seventh book in the writing even as we speak. If you’re interested in seeing what I’ve written, be sure to visit Amazon.com and do a search for my name “Steve Etner.” Not only that, but we also produce this weekly podcast ... AND we’ve produced a number of helpful training videos.
In addition to all of that, we also have “The Christian Growth Academy” – an online training that is focused on helping men and women learn how to grow in their Christian walk. We currently offer three amazing courses: “How to Overcome Any Temptation” (a 9 week video series on how to recognize temptation, make the right choices, and say “NO!” to the enemy of your soul) – “Freedom From Porn” (a 34 week devotional series) – and “The 7 Characteristics of a Super Man of God” (an in-depth 7 module video series packed with biblical instruction that is clear and relevant for men on how to become God’s man of steel)
AND we also have a free APP called “My Purity Coach” that is available for any smart phone or tablet. This app is loaded with Scripture, pointed videos, audio vignettes, and much more – all geared to help you live in freedom and victory in Christ.
OK, so the first two legs of The Pure Man Ministry are The Point of Purity Program and all of the many resources we offer. The third leg of our ministry involves training pastors and men’s ministry leaders with the specific goal of raising awareness of the severity of this issue as well as the significant impact it is having not only on the men and women of their church, but on their families as well.
I’ve talked with way too many pastors who feel this is not a big problem in their church. It’s not that they’re denying that it’s a problem, just that it’s not a big problem in their specific church. I’ve also encountered many pastors and men’s ministry leaders who acknowledge their people are struggling with the issue of sexual purity, but they have no clue how to adequately address this problem in a loving and Biblical way. This is where The Pure Man Ministry comes alongside church leadership and coaches and trains them in how to address this issue with their congregation in a positive way.
The George Barna Group released some interesting statistics a few years ago that is worth noting here. 73% of pastors feel only partially equipped to deal with the issue of sexual purity and porn addiction in their church. And watch this now: only 7% of churches have a program in place to help their people with sexual purity. Think about that for a moment. The #1 issue facing Christian men today and the church as a whole isn’t doing anything about it! The Pure Man Ministry exists to help the local church in this area.
I have been asked: what is greatest joy in your job? One of the greatest joys of ministry is when we can see a positive end result to what we’re doing. I remember, not too long ago, I was speaking at a men’s conference on the topic “How to Transform Sinful Thoughts and Habits into God-pleasing patterns of life. A gentleman (let’s call him Dave) came up to me after the conference and wept as he shared with me his 12-yr battle with porn and an ongoing affair he was having.
Dave’s confession that day began a 6-month long counseling session where we not only walked through the 12-week Point of Purity Program together, but for an additional three month’s we continued to meet – diving deep into God’s Word, praying together, memorizing powerful verses of Scripture, learning how to (2 Cor. 10:5) demolish the arguments the enemy was throwing at him, discovering where King Me was sitting on the throne of his heart and learning how to dethrone self by taking captive every thot and making each thot obedient to Christ. Today he is living in purity, his marriage is restored, and he is actively serving in his local church.
Have you ever experienced “the rollercoaster effect of life?” This ministry we’re involved in has both high points and low ones. A few months ago, I was on low side of things. I was on the way to keynote at a men’s conference in New York. On this particular trip I was feeling a bit discouraged – feeling like our ministry wasn’t truly impacting men’s hearts – wondering if there was something I needed to do differently, asking why I felt like a failure. During that drive, I was praying desperately for a miracle – something to let me know I’m on the right track – something to encourage me that God was truly using this ministry.
Typically, when I speak at conferences, I always try to bring either of my sons or a guy from our church with me to keep me company / accountable / and manage my book table. Unfortunately, I had to make this specific trip alone. When I arrived at church, I was graciously assigned a gentleman from that church (let’s call him Doug) to assist me throughout the day. So, Doug was next to me most of the day, hearing my conversations with men, listening to me quoting Scripture, counseling, and praying with the men who stopped at our table to talk.
loudly. After a couple of moments, he stepped back and said “Steve, this is exactly what God wanted for me. Of all the men that could’ve helped you manage this table, God wanted me to be here because I’ve been battling with this specific problem all my life.”
Doug proceeded to tell me he’d gone thru two marriages because of his addiction, and his 3rd marriage was presently falling apart with little to no hope of restoration. He looked at me, shook his head and said: “I had given up all hope of ever being free. Today God has used your testimony and Scripture that you’ve shared to show me there is hope, and I can be free! Thank you so much!” WOW! Talk about God answering prayer with a miracle!
Every morning, after Heather leaves for work, I head to my office and after my quiet time in the Word I check email. Almost daily I am receiving emails like this one from a gentleman I’ll call Jeremy:
“I am a man in desperate need of prayer. I have been struggling with porn addiction since I first had access to a computer. I’ve never been able to find peace in this. I am in the 2nd year of my marriage and my 1st child is mere weeks away from gracing this world with its presence. I need help. I have never had accountability partners who knew what to do or were even willing to keep up with me. I am now beginning to lose hope. PLEASE Help!”
Here is another email I recently received from a guy we’ll call Craig who said … “Steve, I need help! I’m too embarrassed to seek help locally. I don’t want to tell my wife because it would hurt her too much. What should I do?”
These two emails represent hundreds of thousands of men who need our help. So, let me ask you a question … a question Heather and I have had to wrestle with many times: Is it worth it? Is this ministry worth all the time / energy / finances / heartache and frustrations?
To answer that question - let me remind you of my personal testimony – my 30 year battle with this addiction – and how God led one man into my life to speak God’s truth into my heart, and how because of that one man’s sacrifice, that one man’s ministry – God brought about real, lasting, permanent change. Let me encourage you to go back and listen to Episode #45 “A Pastor Addicted to Porn” or go to our website (ThePurityCoach.com) and on the home page click to watch the video of our testimony. And then you tell me – is it worth it? I submit the answer is a resounding YES!
I just want you to know how deeply honored I am that you have chosen to share your time with me today and listen to this episode in its entirety. Why did I dedicate an entire episode to this topic? Because we genuinely want you to join us in being vital part of this ministry. We are praying for and looking for Purity Coach Partners who will commit to supporting this ministry in two major areas.
First and foremost, in prayer. I’m talking about more than just “Dear God, please bless Steve and The Pure Man Ministry.” As important as that is, we need partners in this ministry who are praying for us daily. Praying for wisdom as we counsel, praying for protection as the enemy tries almost daily to stop us in our tracks and shut us down. Praying for the men that are entrenched and enslaved in this sin – praying for their freedom, praying for victory, praying for clarity as they study the Scripture, praying for their personal spiritual growth, and praying for their families – their wives, their children, their churches. I NEED faithful prayer partners who will commit to praying for this ministry on a regular basis
But we also need partners who choose to come alongside of us and support this ministry financially. If this episode, if the description of this ministry speaks to you – if you share our burden to reach men and women across the globe with the message of freedom, victory, hope, healing, and restoration through the cleansing power of the Word of God as led by the Spirit of God – would you please join our team of Point of Purity Partners? We are looking for monthly supporters whom God is calling to support us with gifts of 25, 50, $100 per month.
Your financial support of any amount to this ministry is not only greatly appreciated and very much needed, but it is also tax-deductible.
If God is moving in your heart to become a financial partner with us, you can visit our website at www.thepuritycoach.com and click on the “Donate” button in the upper right corner to give your tax-deductible donation today.
And if you have not yet subscribed to this podcast, let me encourage you to do so today so you won’t miss any of our upcoming episodes!
So, until next time this is Author, Speaker, and Purity Coach Steve Etner reminding you that if you are going to glorify God in your everyday living, He must first be glorified in your every moment thinking.